Summer of Discontent
by D. Franks
Summary: Yes, another take on the last scene of the finale. What's going through their heads as they both walk away, and what will happen when they come back together?
1. Chapter 1

**Summer of Discontent**

**A popular subject in here at the moment, this is my take on the finale. I just want to get down what I think is going through their heads, and try to explain the reasons I think Castle was so quick to give up and run away.**

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Rick stared blankly out of the car windscreen, his eyes focused on something far in the distance. _I can get over her. It'll be easy. I never get attached. _It came to something when he couldn't even lie to himself. He sighed quietly, not wanting to attract the attention of his passenger.

"Richard, the lights changed." Gina's voice roused him, derailing the train of thought he'd been meandering down. Rick quickly set off again. The traffic was heavy, and he had no idea how long it was going to take them to get out of the city. He'd wanted to leave earlier, really, but he couldn't pass up one last chance to sit down and talk with his friends. Laugh at their jokes, make fun of Kevin Ryan, maybe even flirt a little with Lanie Parish.

Rick didn't know when he'd see any of them again. Yes, he planned to go back in the Fall, but that was still a long way away, and so many things could change in that time. She might not want him to go back, disrupting her settled life. He might not be able to face her, knowing she was happy with another man. _Don't think about it, Rick, _he cautioned himself. The last thing he needed now was another bout of self pity. He hadn't been sure she was going to turn up to his leaving party at all, and had tried to cover that fear by being overly cheerful, laughing loud and often.

His heart had soared when she strolled in, that beautiful smile on her face, and grabbed a beer without hesitation. Rick hadn't ever really seen her drink, and was intrigued by Lanie's warning not to compete with her. But the chance hadn't arisen. She'd leaned in, with an odd look on her face, and asked to speak to him privately. He smiled to himself, sadly, recalling her words, how she told him she'd enjoyed their time together. He'd thought she was saying goodbye, and it tore at him, but then, studying her closely, he realised that wasn't it at all. Gina had interrupted them before she could go any further.

He thanked God for that intervention, because he was sure he would have embarrassed himself if Beckett had looked at him with those wide, earnest eyes for much longer. She hadn't said what she'd intended to, he was sure of that, but he couldn't figure out what it was she wanted to say. She was so hard to read, when she wanted to be. But her wishing him a good summer was easier to handle than anything he'd feared she was going to say.

_It's better this way, _he decided. _I'll have the whole summer to get over her, so that seeing her with Demming won't feel like a knife twisting in my gut._ He looked at the woman sitting next to him, wondering if this was the healthiest way he could choose to move on. He and Gina hadn't come anywhere close to seeing eye to eye since their divorce, yet somehow, he'd found himself talking to her for hours, the previous night. It was nice, there was no adversarial edge to their conversation, she had just listened to him ramble on about any number of things, except Beckett. He'd not mentioned her at all, other that to say he thought going to the Hamptons would give them some much needed relief from each other.

Somehow, he'd found himself asking Gina to go with him. Her stunned silence had spoken volumes, and he'd immediately started to wonder what on earth possessed him. She'd hesitantly told him she wasn't sure that was a good idea, that they'd drive each other round the bend within a few days. Yet, when she'd called him back, just a few hours ago, to say she'd like to go, he'd felt an odd sort of relief. The thought of rattling around in that big beachfront house for months, with no company save his own imagination, scared him more than he'd ever admit.

So, here he was, heading off to a summer slaving away behind a keyboard, with a woman he hadn't even wanted to talk to just forty eight hours ago, whose intentions he didn't yet know. Rick shook his head slightly, dismayed at how complicated his life had suddenly become.

* * *

Kate stared blankly at the far wall. She'd not moved at all since she'd watched Castle leave with his arm around his ex-wife. She gave a start when she heard the door behind her opening. "Hey, are you ok, Kate?" Lanie asked, tentatively, and the compassion in her friend's voice almost broke her.

She took a deep breath, willing her face to stillness before, turning to briefly look at Lanie. "Yeah, I'm fine." She cringed at how thick her voice sounded, how weak. Blinking rapidly to clear her suddenly blurred vision, she started walking, she had to get away from that sympathetic presence. "I'll see you all tomorrow," She called over her shoulder, swiping up her coat and bag as she passed her desk, and left without looking back.

She felt so stupid. How could she have misread things so badly? _I was sure he wanted me, wanted more than friendship._ If he wasn't interested, why had he been so out of sorts whenever Tom was around? She'd noticed it, and felt bad, but she was determined not to let Castle and his territorial nonsense get in the way of things. It had all been for nothing. Demming was gone, and she was alone. She hadn't even had a chance to tell Castle how she felt, that she'd decided she was ready to take a chance on him. Cursing at herself, she thumped the elevator call button. It seemed to take forever to arrive, and she could barely stand still, waiting for it. She was agitated and anxious to get out, to get away from the scene of her hurt.

Kate wanted to be so angry at him, for making her feel, and then crushing her, but really, she knew she had only herself to blame. She hadn't seen it, hadn't acknowledged the warmth that flooded her being when they talked, when he made her laugh, even when he just sat there looking at her. That tension had always been there, from the first moment they met. She found him staggeringly attractive, he drew her in against her will, hammering incessantly at the walls she'd so carefully built to keep people like him out. For a while, she made it worse by fighting against that, stirring conflict where it wasn't needed. But eventually, they reached a common place, where they were comfortable with each other, and she was secure in the knowledge that he would be there.

The lift doors opened, and she stalked in, hitting the ground floor button with far more force than was necessary.

She'd grown complacent, and pushed those inappropriate feelings to the back of her mind, sealing them away so he could be her friend. That had led her to Tom, sweet, reliable and good for her in ways Castle probably never would be. It was just typical of Kate Beckett's life that, just as she was starting to envisage an immediate future with him, Castle would go and upset the apple cart again. She recalled the chill that had run through her when he'd said those words, 'our last case'. They had left her stunned, unable to form any sort of answer, unable to comprehend that he was going to leave. She didn't know what she'd have done if Ryan hadn't interrupted.

But, thanks to Castle's stupid, stupid plan, and the encouragement of Esposito and the Captain, she'd gone and stepped on a good man's heart to reach that of a man who she knew could be so much better. And she'd been too late.

Kate swept out of the precinct without a pause, still not sure where she was going, or what she was going to do when she got there. All she knew was, she needed to wash that image of Castle and Gina out of her mind, and she needed to force her pain back behind those old, fractured walls, where it belonged.

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**I will continue this, perhaps another chapter or two on the first days of their separation, before jumping forward to his return, and my speculation on how it might happen. I'm going to discontinue my Cold Comfort story, as I don't fancy writing an alternate Beckett/Gina meeting now. I may scavenge a couple of beats from it for this, though.  
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**Please read and review.  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Lots of angst in this one. I'm trying to get it all out here, so none of it infiltrates my other ongoing story, Realizations, which is a much fluffier affair.  
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It was raining again. The drops battered down onto the deck, and clattered off the windows. Rick watched them with idle interest, wondering how the weather could possibly match his mood any better.

Especially now, at the beginning of July. It was supposed to be sunny, that was the whole point of the place. What good were the Hamptons in Summer if there was no sun? He sighed, and shifted his attention back to the computer screen. _Not that I'd be able to appreciate the sun anyway, _he thought, bleakly. The book still wasn't finished. No even the first draft.

Rick had been in the Hamptons for five weeks now, doing little more than work on Naked Heat, but he was still struggling. Gina hadn't lasted three weeks. Oh, it had been good for a few days, they'd got on well, reconnected, and he'd almost forgotten why they got divorced in the first place. But, before long, she was sniping at him for ignoring her, whilst at the same time telling him to concentrate on his work. She was bored, as he should have known she would be. Gina had always led a very active, busy life, and couldn't cope with a whole summer of nothing but spa treatments, tennis tournaments and cracking the whip whenever it looked like he was slacking off. Apart from when she wanted him to slack off, of course.

So here he was, alone. Trying to finish a book he barely cared about, in a place he didn't want to be, with nothing to distract him. He could hardly remember why he thought this was a good idea, though whenever he did come close to thinking of returning to New York, that image of Kate Beckett laughing whilst Tom Demming nuzzled at her neck rose up in his mind, unbidden and searing to the touch.

Swearing, Rick stood up and strode over to the full length windows, staring out at the miserable weather. Usually, whenever his mind was preoccupied with something painful, he'd have Alexis to mess around with. They'd play laser tag, or spend an hour fencing. Maybe they'd put a DVD on and kick back, or play video games. He didn't have any of that here, and even if he did, none of it was any fun without someone else to share it with.

It was something he was going to have to get used to, though. Alexis was growing up, as reluctant as he was to accept that, and before too long, she'd be going away to college. Moving out, making a new life for herself, leaving him behind. It was the way he'd always known it would be. His job was to raise her, and prepare her for adult life, and he was so proud of how she'd turned out, but he wasn't ready to let her go yet. Seeing her so excited about going to Princeton for the summer, flirting effortlessly with that boy, making jokes about things he refused to let himself think of her doing, it all made that day seem so much nearer. Rick hadn't spent more than a week separated from his daughter since the day she was born. She'd phoned a few times, checking up on him, but this was the longest he'd ever gone without seeing her, and he was hurting.

He was facing up to the distinct possibility that every day would be like this, once she did go to college. His mother had Chet, his attempt to reconcile with Gina had failed abysmally, and most of the friends he had were casual, poker buddies or those who worked in his industry, and wanted to talk about books, books and more books. The only people he could think of, apart from his family, who seemed happy to spend time with him without having any agenda were those in the NYPD.

He thought about them every day, wondered what they were getting up to, what sort of cases they were dealing with. He thought of Ryan and Esposito ribbing each other, winding each other up over nothing. He thought of Captain Montgomery, a source of almost zen calm in the midst of the chaos that was his Homicide Division. He even thought of Dr Parish, the sweet, funny and feisty medical examiner, who always seemed to think highly of him, even when she probably shouldn't. And, of course, he thought of Kate Beckett, the way she'd smile at his jokes, even when she didn't want to, the way they could finish each others' sentences when they were building a theory, the way she smelled of cherries and was so beautiful it made him ache.

He wanted to go back, so badly. His days working with them had been some of the most fulfilling of his life. What had first started as a bit of fun and a way to flirt with a lovely, intriguing mystery of a woman, had slowly turned into something far more important. He felt like he was actually making a difference in people's lives, helping them find closure to the most traumatizing thing they'd ever experience. The murder of a loved one.

But, every time he thought of walking back into that precinct, into that bullpen, there was that image again. And it was mixed with others. Beckett kissing Demming, and smiling like a smitten teenager, the two of them talking quietly, heads together, over the coffee from the machine Castle had bought. Worst of all though, were those words he kept hearing. "I didn't want things to be awkward between us now that Tom and I are together." That last word, the one that made his heart lurch painfully in his chest. He sighed again, wondering why he kept doing this to himself. He'd decided, then and there, listening to Beckett tell him that she'd lied to him because she didn't feel comfortable with the situation the three of them found themselves in, that he had to leave. Had to pull away from her, and let her find the happiness she was clearly searching for in the handsome, charming and disgustingly decent Tom Demming. _It was the right thing to do, _he told himself. _Noble, even. I would have just gotten in the way, made things difficult._ Of course, that attempt at nobility wasn't the only reason. He was a coward, always had been. Too scared to say anything to her about his feelings, for fear that her rejection would end their friendship. Now, it seemed that might have happened anyway. And he certainly knew he couldn't handle watching Beckett forge a relationship with that guy, maybe fall in love with him, maybe…

Scrubbing his hands through his hair in a futile attempt to dislodge those thoughts, he turned away from the window. Not that he could do anything about it right now, whatever he felt. He had a book to finish, and he was damn well going to do it. The scene where Nikki Heat breaks Jameson Rook's heart was going to be a tour de force.

Ponderously, feeling tired and old, he returned to his desk and sat down, staring determinedly at the screen. _Right. Just get it done._

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"Hey, Beckett, check this out."

Kate looked up from her computer screen at Esposito's call. He was waving a file around, clearly pleased with himself. It took her a moment to recall what he might be talking about. She'd been a million miles away, well, 90 miles away, to be precise. Shaking herself, she stood up and walked over, glad of anything that would distract her, stop her thinking about him. "What is it?" Her voice sounded rusty, even to her own ears. She hadn't been using it too much of late, focused solely on work, catching killers, writing up reports. Every time she came close to responding to an attempted joke from Ryan or Esposito, she couldn't help but wonder what Castle would say, and that froze the words in her throat before she could speak.

So, she'd spent much of the last seven weeks just being quiet, reserved and distant. They'd noticed, of course, and she'd seen plenty of sympathetic expressions, attempts to say something comforting that she cut off before they could be voiced. It wasn't doing anything to promote the harmony of her team, but she couldn't help it. She didn't want sympathy, or pity, she just wanted to get on with her job.

Esposito showed her the connection he'd found between their victim and one of the suspects. Not enough to be a motive, but certainly enough to warrant further questions. She processed this information, then stalked over to her murder board, and started rearranging their evidence to see if this new information fit. She stood alone, knowing that both Ryan and Esposito were watching, aware that she wouldn't welcome their help.

She thought back to that night. The night he left. She'd walked out of the precinct and just kept going, in no specific direction, until she found herself at a bar that she and Lanie had visited a few times. On a whim, she decided that a drink was just what she needed right now, and had gone in.

Two hours and a good half a bottle of vodka later, she'd called Lanie, slurring down the phone that she needed help getting home. Her friend had shown up less than fifteen minutes later, and had hauled her out of there, without a single word of reprobation for calling her so late, making her come back into Manhattan and being unable to stand up straight without a wall to support her.

Kate hadn't even realized they weren't going back to the temporary apartment that was currently her home until Lanie was helping her into the building. "This isn't where I live, Lanie." She stated the obvious.

"No, it's where I live. You should know that, you've been here often enough." At Kate's befuddled look, she clarified, "It's closer, and I have a spare bedroom whilst my flatmate is away. You shouldn't be alone right now."

"I'm fine, Lanie." Kate protested. "There's nothing wrong at all."

"Right. Of course you are." The sarcasm dripped off Lanie's words. "You always storm out of the precinct as though demons are chasing you, and disappear without a word. And I've lost count of the number of times you've gotten so drunk you can't get yourself home."

Kate couldn't think of a response to that. They reached the apartment door, and Lanie shoved it open, then propelled Kate to the couch. She slumped bonelessly and gathered up a cushion, hugging it to her chest as though it was a bulletproof vest.

Lanie was still all business, and quickly ran a glass of water and opened her fridge, peering briefly inside. "Here, drink this." She commanded, placing the glass in Kate's hand. "You need to eat something, replenish your body's resources. I've not got much in, I'll order something. Chinese ok?"

"I'm not hungry, Lanie." Kate complained, sipping at the water before putting it aside on the small table at the side of the couch. She could feel her friend's eyes on her, studying, but didn't look up.

"He left." She said simply, and speaking those words caused her stomach to clench, and she wondered if she was going to throw up.

Lanie sat down beside her, eyes intent on her face. "Who left? You mean Castle?" Kate nodded wordlessly, rubbing her hand across eyes that suddenly felt wet. _Stupid!_ She castigated herself. _Getting this upset over that worthless, lecherous… _She couldn't finish the thought. There was no way she could lie to herself about what he meant to her.

Lanie continued carefully, as though probing a raw wound. "Who was that woman, tonight? Esposito said she was his ex-wife, is that right?" Kate nodded again, unable to speak. "Is he… Is he back with her?" She was so hesitant, clearly not sure how to deal with this, a vulnerability Kate had never shown her before.

"I don't know," Kate answered. "He didn't say anything about it, but they're going to the Hamptons together. For the summer. What else could it be?" Lanie nodded, still watching her closely.

"Honey, I don't know what you're telling me. You and Castle aren't..." She trailed off, grimacing.

"I broke up with Tom." Kate said, quickly and quietly, glancing up to take in Lanie's reaction.

Her friend just stared. "Oh." It took her a second to make the connection, and then the flood of sympathy and tenderness threatened to overwhelm Kate. "Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie." She put her arm around Kate and pulled her head onto her shoulder. "You told Castle how you feel about him?"

"I didn't get a chance." Kate looked up defensively. "I was going to, Lanie. I couldn't let him leave without telling him that… But _she _turned up before I could. And now he's off with her, and I'm alone." She rested her head back on Lanie's shoulder, and swallowed heavily, determined not to break down and cry.

Kate thought back to that night, and cringed with embarrassment. She never got that overwrought, not for years. And she hated the idea of drinking to excess, her father had been like a different man when he'd been drinking. A stranger, a man who scared her.

Thinking of her father still managed to put a tiny smile on her face, though. She was going out to see him this weekend. Yes, she'd used most of her vacation days, she hadn't lied to Castle about that, but she still had some left. Captain Montgomery had been very understanding when she'd told him she needed a few days off. He'd been absurdly solicitous of her since Castle left, and it was hardly a secret why. He'd seen her humiliation. They all had. That was why she needed to get away from them, even if it was only for a few days.

Her dad lived out in Westchester, and she probably would have run straight to him, if she hadn't remembered he was visiting his brother in Indiana. But, as soon as he got back, she'd called him and told him she needed to get out of the city.

He'd agreed enthusiastically, and asked what disaster had occurred to make her actually take time off work. She'd not answered, didn't know where to start, but she was sure that he'd drag the whole thing out of her fairly quickly when he saw her.

_At least there's one man I can rely on to do what I expect._ She thought, angry again at the man who'd stolen his way into her heart, and then fled just when she was ready to accept him.

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**Beckett may seem a little out of character, but my rationalization is that her emotions are shaken loose by the booze, and it's her one blow out before clamming up and getting all cold and distant.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **This chapter really stems from discussions I've had with friends about the finale. It seems us guys were all fully able to identify with Castle's motivations, and sense of self sacrifice mixed with self preservation, whilst many of the ladies didn't see it, and were angry at him. So maybe what Kate needs is a bloke's perspective on why Castle did what he did.

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**Chapter 3**

Rick sat back, basking in the light of the email he'd just received. Confirmation from Black Pawn that they had reviewed his final draft and deemed it suitable for publication.

He heaved a huge sigh of relief, the sense of obligation and oppression that had been weighing him down for almost three months was finally lifting completely. He shut down his laptop and stood, eager to be away from this place. He'd been on his own for over two months now, and what had been an almost terrifying prospect had slowly become an interesting, revitalising experience.

When he hadn't been chasing catharsis through the writing and rewriting of his book, he'd spent his time thinking. Going over all the things he'd done wrong with Beckett, trying to figure out why she'd never taken him seriously, why he'd become such an awkward presence that she felt she had to put so many walls between them.

There was a time when he'd thought something happening between them was inevitable, despite her denials. He cringed now, thinking back on that arrogance, on how he'd just assumed that, sooner or later, she'd fall into his arms. It had taken the arrival of Tom Demming to finally make it clear that just wasn't going to happen. Unfortunately, it also had been the new man's involvement in her life that had made Rick realise just how important she was to him.

For the first time since he let Kyra go, he was prepared to put a woman's happiness before his own.

He'd thought long and hard over whether he should go back, to offer Kate his friendship, pure and simple, and swallow the hurt he felt whenever he saw her with Demming. It would be hard, but he had to try. He owed her that. And if she turned him away, declined his offer, then he'd walk away.

That resolution had hit him a few days ago, and hadn't wavered. He missed her, and hoped she missed him, and he had to make things right between them, so they could work together again without upsetting her. Her relationship with Demming was about four months old, by his reckoning, surely there'd be enough trust there for her to let Rick back into her professional life. Surely she'd be kind enough to let him feed on whatever scraps of affection she had left to give him.

Patience. Patience was the key. He wouldn't go blundering back in, all guns blazing, and risk making her uncomfortable. He already knew what his first overture would be, but he'd have to wait another couple of weeks for it to be ready.

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The trip back to the city was uneventful, and surprisingly brief. There was almost no traffic, no accidents or delays, as though the gods were conspiring to return him to his rightful place of Manhattan.

Before long, he was opening the door to his loft, and traipsing in, dropping his suit case by the door, and carting his laptop through to his office. It was so quiet. No Alexis, no Martha. They'd both be gone for at least a few more days, which meant he was going to really be at a loose end, now the book was done. _Maybe I should just go to the precinct, _He pondered, before firmly deciding that he was going to follow the path he'd already set. _Take your time, she won't expect you back for another couple of weeks._ The last thing he wanted to do was catch Beckett unawares.

Rick glanced at the clock, it was 7pm, she wouldn't be there now, even if he did cave. _Maybe I could just call her. Just let her know I'm back. Hear her voice._ Growling in frustration at himself, he pulled his phone out of his pocket, laid it down on his desk, and walked out, closing the office door behind him.

* * *

Kate felt truly relaxed for the first time in as long as she could remember. She was curled up in a big, comfy armchair, a glass of iced tea in her hands, listening to her father relate his amazement at how quickly his little grand niece and nephew were growing up. She was smiling as he related yet another tale about them, and had actually forgotten, for the moment, the heart ache that had sent her fleeing the city.

Unfortunately, that realization brought it all flooding back, and her spirits plummeted. She thought she'd done a good job of hiding it, until her father stopped speaking, and just looked at her, his eyes soft with unspoken empathy. "What's wrong, Katie?" She opened her mouth to tell him she was fine, but he rode right over her. "You aren't fine, before you say it. You've been here for two days, and you've barely said a word about how things are going with you. All you've done is ask after me and Steve's family."

Kate eyed him, chewing her bottom lip in consternation. _I never could hide much from him, _she thought, ruefully. It was a quality in her father that had brought as much embarrassment as comfort over the years, and right now, she couldn't decide which she was feeling. "I just needed to get away for a while. Things got… complicated, and it was affecting my work."

Jim Beckett frowned at this, and leaned forward, moving to the edge of his chair. "What do you mean, 'complicated'? You're not talking about a case, are you?"

She shook her head, trying to decide just how much to tell him. Her father had always kept his own council about Kate's relationships, either through respect for her privacy or reluctance to accept that she was having relationships at all. She didn't know which, and had never asked. But now, she felt she had to tell him something. "It's all Richard Castle's fault," She began, then immediately felt a pang of guilt. "Well, not all his fault. I have to share plenty of the blame as well." Her father was listening intently, and she tried to reassure him with a smile. "We've been working together for a while, as you know…"

"Wait. Working together? I thought he was just shadowing you. You said it was a pain."

"Yes. I suppose I did, and maybe it was at first." Kate grimaced at how her stubbornness had kept the man at arm's length even after she'd admitted to herself that he was useful to have around, and good company as well. "But I've come to realise that he was a friend. As good a friend as I've ever had. Hell, he saved my life twice." She decided to leave that particular detail alone, when she saw her father wince. He never did want to know about the dangerous stuff. "Sorry. What I'm trying to say is that, he became important to me. Very important, only I was so caught up in protecting myself that I didn't see it. And now he's gone, and it's too late." She dropped her eyes to the floor, not wanting to show her father how much the thought of that hurt.

Kate was still trying to swallow the lump in her throat when Jim spoke again. "Katie, look at me." She did, and he continued, "You've spent years building your defences, keeping people out. We both know why, but at some point, you're going to have to trust someone. It'll be difficult, and there'll be a chance of getting hurt. But if you don't risk getting hurt, how will you ever find true happiness?" His eyes were intent on her face, and she couldn't look away, held by the fierce honesty in his gaze.

"It's not that simple, dad." She argued. "There was another guy. A nice, sweet, decent man, and I thought I could be happy with him. So I did, I entered into something with him. It was nice, we had fun, got on really well." Taking a deep breath, reluctant to admit this, even now. "And I didn't notice how it was tearing Castle up. I knew he wasn't happy with it, there was an awkwardness between us that's never been there before."

Jim sighed, sympathetic. "Katie, you can't be responsible for everything. If you're happy with your boyfriend, then you have to accept it, even if other people can't."

"But that's just it. I don't have a boyfriend." Jim looked nonplussed, clearly she'd lost him. She tried to explain more clearly. "I broke up with Tom, that was his name, because I realized that he wasn't what I wanted. I wanted Castle."

Jim sat back. "Oh. Well, then what's the problem? You want to be with him, it sounds like he wants to be with you. You can't tell me you're worried about your working relationship, because that's nonsense."

"I was too late." She said, bluntly. "By the time I figured it out and went to talk to him, he'd reconnected with his ex-wife." She hated the sneer that twisted her voice on those last words, but couldn't help it. "I didn't even get the chance to tell him I broke up with Tom. So now he's in the Hamptons, with her. And I'm nowhere."

"I'm sorry, honey." It was all he could say really, she supposed. His presence alone was a comfort, but her father had never been a man of many words, especially not after her mother died. His quiet strength was enough for her, right now. He was silent for a while, just looking at her, then he spoke. "Did he tell you he's back with his ex-wife?"

Kate shook her head, miserably. "No. They just said they were going to the Hamptons for the summer, so he can get his book finished. She's his publisher as well."

Jim sighed again. "I think maybe I should tell you a little something about us menfolk, Katie." She looked up at him, trying to read the small, humourless smile. "We have a tendency to be far too noble. Or what we think is noble. I imagine you'd see it as stupidity."

"What do you mean?" She asked, curiously.

"If Richard Castle thought you wanted to be happy with someone else, there's a fairly good chance that he left to let you be happy."

"What?" Kate asked, in disbelief. "That's stupid." She ignored her father's smirk, and continued, trying to understand the concept. "You're telling me you think he just walked away, even though he didn't want to? Because he didn't want to get in the way?"

"Like I said, honey, sometimes that seems to be the thing to do. And it's usually a sign that we care far more than we've ever let on. Of course, there'll also be a good dose of not wanting to see you with someone else." He smiled at her look of frank disbelief. "I didn't say it was sensible."

Kate tried to control the surge of hope that his words had sparked inside her. "But if he left because he cares too much, which is still stupid, by the way, then why did he take _her _with him?"

Jim shrugged. "Attempting to move on, a last ditch effort to make you jealous. Who knows. You'd have to ask him. If she's his publisher, and his book needs to be finished, maybe it's a purely professional arrangement."

"Ok." Kate was struggling to understand all that she'd just been told, struggling to keep a lid on her renewed belief. "So you think all of that was just out of some misplaced sense of selflessness?" _That would be just like him, _she thought, and tried to be angry, but her fondness for the idiot man robbed it of any heat. _He spends all his time pretending to be so vain, so self centred… Damn him!_

"Now, I'm not saying that's definitely what happened," Her father cautioned. "You'd know more than me whether it sounds plausible for him, but if you think it is, then you should at least ask him." He stood and moved over to sit on the arm of the chair Kate occupied. He took her hand, and looked directly into her eyes. "Take a chance, Katie." She stared back, lost for words.

* * *

Kate was still going over her father's advice a week later, as she stood staring at the evidence of their latest case plastered on her board. She'd thought of little, else, if she was honest. Desperately hoping there was some truth to it, but too scared of having her hopes dashed again to actually do anything. She didn't even know where Castle was. Was he still in the Hamptons, or had he returned to New York? Was he with Gina?

She kept running over the questions she wanted to ask him, the answers she hoped he'd give, and wondered if there would ever be an opportunity for any of it to happen. And if it did happen, would she get the answers she needed to hear? Turning to the man standing next to her, she spoke, almost without thinking. "My dad told me that men sometimes do stupid things, thinking they're noble."

Esposito looked at her, startled and more than a little confused. "What?"

"He said, men do things, make decisions, thinking they're being noble. I know that's true, having thought about it, I've seen it plenty of times. But never when it was so personal, you know?"

Esposito shook his head, perplexed. "Beckett, you've lost me." He glanced about quickly, as though looking for help.

Kate took a deep breath, and tried to start over. "My dad thinks Castle left because he believed I was happy with Tom. That he was backing off, even though he didn't want to." She kept her eyes on Esposito as she asked, "Do you think he would do that?" The neediness in her voice was embarrassing, but she didn't break eye contact.

He just stared at her for a moment, still looking slightly baffled, and she supposed she had to expect that. This was the first time she'd mentioned Castle to any of them since the night he left. Slowly, his expression changed to one of profound empathy, as he realized what it was she was actually asking. _Does he still want me?_ "I'd say there's a very strong possibility of that." Esposito told her, hesitantly. Clearly, he was reluctant to get involved, considering how well his last attempt went. "Of course, the other thing is that we're weak. Sometimes. And Castle? He's a bigger wuss than you when it comes to relationships."

Kate nodded, jerkily. "And Gina? What's that, a defence mechanism?"

He exhaled heavily. "Maybe. I hate to say it, but I've done the same sort of thing myself."

"And it was a mistake, right? When you did it?" The neediness was back.

"Yeah, it was a mistake. Ended up just being even more painful in the long run. Hell, you've heard Castle talk about her. He couldn't stand her. I mean, even the ex-wife who left him for another guy is welcome to come back and stay occasionally, but Gina? He's never said a nice word about her."

Kate stopped, hung up on something her friend had just said. "Left him for another guy? Meredith?"

"Yeah, that's what happened. She cheated on him with some two bit director and sent divorce papers by post. Before Alexis was even three years old" He paused, and studied her. "I thought you'd know that."

Kate didn't know how to respond. Why didn't she know that? She'd always just assumed that the marriage breaking up was Castle's fault. She felt ashamed to have accepted that assumption as fact, and saw that Esposito had read her too well. "He told me and Ryan one night, when we went out for a few manly drinks. I guess it's not something he talks about much."

"Right." Kate didn't know what else to say. Her mind was churning, thinking back to all those times when Castle had said such disparaging things about marriage, and she'd been so disappointed in his attitude. Now it made sense. He'd been hurt, perhaps more than she had imagined. "What about Gina? How did that end?"

Esposito shrugged. "No clue. Like I said, he doesn't talk about her, except to tell us how awful she was." He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Way I see it, there's only one way to find out what's going on with her. Not that I'm advocating any particular course of action."

Kate smiled weakly, recognising the guilt he'd been carrying around about his well meaning but untimely advice. "I'd never hold it against you for telling me the truth, Javier. Or for giving me advice."

He smiled. "Good, 'cause if you don't do something to drag yourself out of this funk, Ryan, Lanie and I might have to force the issue." He was joking, that was plain, but Kate still felt ill at ease as she considered the way she'd acted over the course of the summer. These people didn't deserve to be frozen out the way they had. They were her friends, and she was going to need them, one way or another.

_This isn't over_, she decided firmly. _When he gets back, we're going to finish that talk without any blond harpies hanging off his arm._

_

* * *

_

Rick smiled to himself as he signed his name with a flourish, and carefully eased the note into the envelope, wanting everything to be just right. _That should do it. All carefully friendly and nothing more._ He placed the envelope on top of the box, and handed both to the courier waiting patiently at the counter. This was his first attempt at getting back into her life, making it clear that he didn't expect anything from her other than friendship and an enjoyable working experience.

Kate Beckett would not be given another reason to be uncomfortable about him being the third wheel in her relationship, no matter how much it might hurt. _It's about time I put her first_. He walked out of the shop, a determined smile on his face, and glanced at his watch. She'd have the gift in less than an hour. He hoped it wouldn't be too much longer than that before she called.

* * *

**So, they're coming back together with very different agendas. Or are they? Please read and review, just another chapter or two to go.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **This is probably the penultimate chapter (or maybe that'll be the next one, we'll see), and I can't say I'm particularly thrilled about the way it reads, but right now, it gets the characters to where they need to be, so it'll have to do.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Kate stepped onto the elevator, smiling vaguely to the two other occupants. She's just got back from informing the family of their latest murder victim that they'd caught the man responsible. She always felt a sort of emptiness after doing that, as though the case itself had taken up residence inside her, and the closure she was able to give the loved ones lifted that weight.

Unfortunately, all she had to look forward to now was paperwork. She had at least four hours of the day left and nothing to do other than stare at a computer screen. Once upon a time, she'd welcome the tranquility of sitting quietly behind her desk, an island of peace in the organized chaos of the 12th Precinct Homicide Division. But ever since Castle, and his persistent, infuriating, endearing attempts to distract her at all times, there just seemed to be something… lacking… in that solitude.

He'd changed her so much, without her even noticing. It was something she marveled at whenever she considered it. How could one man have such an effect? That was one more thing she'd try to find an answer to the next time she saw him. She still didn't know what he was doing, whether he was back in the city yet. A quick check on his website had confirmed for her that the manuscript for Naked Heat was complete, and ready for publication. That had been five days ago, so why hadn't he come by?

She'd spent much of that time working out a strategy, a plan for how to approach things, but that plan counted on him coming to the precinct. She wanted to do this on her terms, on her territory. It was a terrifying enough prospect without having to go to his loft, seeking him out.

Kate walked into the bullpen, her eyes immediately drawn to the chair next to her desk. Maybe, just maybe… Her spirits fell. _Still empty._ But as she drew closer, she saw a package on her desk. She eyed it with interest, frowning slightly. A neat, presentation gift box, just big enough to hold… _No, it can't be._ She reached out and picked up the envelope that sat on top of it. It was addressed to 'Detective Katherine Beckett'. _Formal, the writing looks familiar._

Her hands were shaking slightly as she tore the envelope open, already sure that it was from him. _Castle. And there's only one thing he'd send to me in a box that size._ She drew the paper out of the envelope, and quickly unfolded it.

'To Kate Beckett

This time, it occurred to me. You'll be the very first person to read it.

With great affection, your friend, Richard Castle'

She read it again, hoping for more. It was so brief, so… friendly. Kate scowled at the neat script. _Your friend, Richard Castle? Friend?_ Objectively, she supposed that was the right term for their relationship, but in reality, it was far from what she wanted to think. _Is this what he wants us to be?_ The thought was dismaying, but not nearly as upsetting as the one that followed it. _I guess a man who just spent the whole summer getting back together with his ex-wife would have to be a 'friend'._

Trying to ignore those thoughts, she set the note aside and reached for the box. She already knew what it was; his note had given it away. She smiled absently at the sentiment, at his oblique reference to a conversation that seemed so very long ago, back when she'd not long made the decision to let him back into her life. Kate opened the box, and her smile widened when she saw the cover. _There she is, naked again._ She shook her head, ruefully. It wasn't that bad, really, just a silhouette, and she had to admit, Nikki Heat had a killer body.

She flushed slightly at that, realizing that most of the people in this office would automatically equate Nikki Heat's body with Kate Beckett's.

"Naked Heat?" The voice came from over her shoulder. She looked up, and Ryan stood there, gazing at the cover with keen interest. Her embarrassment spiked for a moment, and she felt the urge to cover Nikki's nudity, before he continued. "I can't believe you get his books before they're released, whilst the rest of us have to wait."

"You really are a fan, now, aren't you, Ryan?" She asked, teasing, relieved that he wasn't at the head of the 'make fun of Beckett' queue. "I'd let you borrow it when I'm done, but Castle's publishers will freak."

Ryan pulled a face, "I'd be just as discreet with it as you are. But I guess posing for the cover got you special privileges." Her dodged away from her suddenly outraged glare, and almost skipped down the office, before she could respond, darting unrepentant glances back at her.

_Dammit!_ Kate flexed her fingers, imagining they were wrapped around Ryan's neck, and forced her embarrassment down. This was going to be even worse than last time. Glancing around, she quickly dropped the lid back onto the box. It's not like she had time to sit there and read, anyway. Though maybe she would be able to get out a little early. Half an hour at least. Or maybe an hour.

* * *

Unlikely as it was, Kate escaped from the precinct a full two hours before the end of her shift, feeling guilty as hell about it, but her treacherous mind wouldn't let her consider writing up an arrest report as a higher priority than this.

She'd picked up her phone a dozen times that afternoon, intent on calling him. She needed to know if he was back, and she needed to know if her dad and Esposito had been right. But the words in his letter had shaken her faith, renewed her fears that she'd missed her chance. He'd never passed up an opportunity to flirt before, so why was he being so reserved now?

And also, if he was back in the city, why was he communicating by courier rather than coming to see her face to face. Esposito's words of three months loomed large in her mind. What if he wasn't planning to come back? When would she get the opportunity to talk to him about everything that had been twisting her up inside all summer?

At some point in the afternoon, she'd decided she needed to buy more time, to delay things, just for a little while. Then it had hit her. Castle had provided the ideal excuse. His book, she needed to read it. He'd be sure to ask her about it when they spoke, and she didn't want to play any games with him. Not this time.

So, now her plan for the evening was to curl up with his book, and she wouldn't even call him until she'd read it. This was a reconnection, of sorts, and now the moment was seemingly imminent, it was suddenly as much as she dared. Kate poured herself a glass of wine, switched off her phone, and opened the book.

* * *

Rick couldn't stop checking his watch. It had been six hours since he'd sent the book to Beckett, and so far, not a peep out of her. He'd really expected her to call him when she received it, even if only to thank him, but she hadn't. He'd been checking his phone obsessively, hoping for something, even a text message would have been welcome. Maybe she was busy, caught up in a case, and didn't have time to waste with him. That was honestly the best scenario he could come up with.

She didn't take days off in the middle of the week, so there was no chance of her not having been in work. She had to know by now what it was, and who it was from, so why hadn't she called?

That sly, disparaging voice in his head took great delight in whispering all of his worst fears. She didn't want him back in her life, she was too busy screwing Demming in the evidence room, she didn't consider him important enough to get back to straight away. _Ignore that, _he told himself, forcefully. _Give her time to make a decision. It was ridiculously self-important to expect her to drop everything and call._

With little else to do, he decided an early night would be about as useful a thing as he could accomplish Maybe he'd drop by the precinct tomorrow, if he was passing. Just to say hello.

* * *

As it turned out, he didn't get the opportunity to drop by. Gina called, and told him they wanted to meet to discuss plans for the book launch party. So, with much trepidation, he made his way to the offices of Black Pawn Publishing, at 11 that morning.

He strolled into Gina's office, trying to act casual and at ease. In truth, he was jumpier than he'd been since their last few days together in the Hamptons. He was worried that the reconciliation they'd reached might not stick. They'd talked a lot during their time together, trying to figure out just where their relationship went sour. Initially, they'd both been trying to rekindle things, perhaps to recapture the passion that they'd had when they first got together, but it had soon become apparent that the only things they had left in common were a love of literature and a desire to see his book finished.

He didn't hold it against her, and when she started getting antsy, he'd told her she should feel free to leave. She hadn't appreciated his implication that she was a quitter, and things had gotten tense. They'd made up, after a fashion, and she'd left him with a kiss on the cheek and a squeeze of the hand. But he was still less than sanguine about stepping into her domain.

She dispelled the tension in short order. "Richard, how lovely to see you again." She looked like a million bucks, as usual, as she sashayed over and pressed her lips to his cheek briefly. Six months ago, he'd have thought it all calculated to try and show him what he'd lost, to be spiteful. But not now, they both knew where they stood with each other.

"Gina." He returned her smile. "The pleasure's all mine."

She waved her hand at the other person in the room. "You know Scott, of course." Gina's head of marketing stood and shook Rick's hand, briefly and firmly.

"Yeah. Hi, Scott." Before he could say anything further, Gina was right down to business.

"So, we're a month away from publication. The printers are working their asses off trying to get enough copies ready, thanks to your prevarication and lack of focus." Again, there was no real heat behind her words, just a light teasing that he'd always liked. "We want to go all out on this one. Heat Wave was big, this one's going to be bigger."

She nodded at Scott, who took his cue. "Yes, we've got an opportunity here to really make an impact. The buzz about the book is off the charts already, what with the Heat Wave movie gathering steam, and people are still talking about the Bobby Mann murder, and how you helped solve it." Rick felt more than a little uncomfortable about using that man's death as publicity material, but there wasn't much he could do about it.

"Right. So, I guess you guys have everything planned out already?" Rick never was one for details. Not about this sort of thing, anyway. He much preferred to let the publishers arrange everything, and he'd just turn up at the allotted time. "Big nightclub, hotel deal, yeah?"

Scott nodded, and Gina smiled in confirmation. Rick was suddenly wondering why he was there at all. He eyed them suspiciously, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Gina quirked an eyebrow at him. "So, you're fine with the launch plans, then?"

"Yeah, of course. Whatever you guys want. You know that." At his words, Scott flashed a grin and stood up. Shaking Rick's hand again, he made a swift exit. Watching him go, Rick asked, "Ok, Gina. What's going on? You didn't call me down here just to get my agreement for the launch party."

She studied him for a moment, silently. Then, "No I didn't." Rick frowned at her, not really wanting to believe she'd reverted to playing games already. She clearly saw the rising suspicion on his face, because she rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't be so paranoid. I'm not setting a trap for you. I just wanted to ask you something."

"Ask me what?" His hackles were rising.

She leant forward, pressing her hands against the desk, an enigmatic smile on her face. "How long have you been in love with Detective Beckett?"

"Wh…what?" Rick stared. "What do you mean?" He'd never told Gina he had any feelings for Beckett. Never even hinted.

She smirked. "Come on Ricky. It was obvious from the moment I walked up to you both in the precinct, that you're crazy about each other. In your own little world. If I hadn't spoken, I probably could have stood there all night before you noticed me."

Rick nodded mutely, letting her words sink in. "Ok, so you made a pretty big leap of intuition. That doesn't mean you're right."

"Oh, yeah, ok." Gina laughed, the sarcasm in her voice cutting. "Even if I hadn't stumbled onto that display of repressed emotions and thwarted desires, I would still have known exactly how you feel about her."

He felt faint, queasy, but did his best to steady his voice. "How, exactly, would you know that?" He hadn't even known it himself until she'd said the words thirty seconds ago. _Lust, attraction, desire, sure. But love?_ It hit him like the proverbial ton of bricks.

Gina was still smiling, that smug, all-knowing smile. "Richard. Anyone who reads this book is going to know exactly how you feel about her." She paused for effect. "Right down to the jealousy and misery." Another pause, and she cocked her head inquisitively. "Have you given her a copy yet?"

"Oh God!" He lurched to his feet. "Gina, please tell me you're not serious. Tell me…"

She was merciless. "You didn't get the title quite right, though. Naked Heat?" She shook her head. "You should have called it Naked Castle. That scene, where Nikki Heat crushes Rook? It was brutal. The most heartfelt, painful thing you've ever written."

He was just staring at her now, unable to comprehend what she was telling him. Had he really done what she was telling him? Had he truly left himself so exposed? Then another, more terrifying thought hit him. _Beckett. She's got a copy. She's going to know. _After all his agonizing over the summer, his determination to extent honest, platonic friendship, and he might have ruined it all before he started._ No wonder she hasn't called._

"Gina. I've got to go. I need to…" He turned blindly and headed for the door, needing to be somewhere else. Needing to get his head around this.

"I would think so." She didn't sound so smug, now. "Richard, this might work out better than you think." Her voice raised as he left her office, without looking back.

* * *

Rick paced his living room, trying to gather his thoughts, flicking through his advance copy of Naked Heat. He'd been doing little else since arriving home an hour ago. The intention when he left Gina's office was to go straight to the precinct and talk to Beckett, but he'd not even kept his nerve long enough to give the address to the taxi driver. Instead, he'd fled to safety, kicking himself every step of the way.

He was never going to find a way back into her life, now. She'd been mad enough about the first book, and that had just been playful fun. Now, as he read and reread passages of his latest work, he was coming to realize just how right Gina had been. No one who read this could have any doubts that the writer had seriously deep, possibly unrequited feelings for the woman it was based on. Especially not if the ones reading it were detectives. _She'll never come near you again, you idiot!_ And not only that, but this would make her the laughing stock of the precinct. She'd hate him.

Throwing the book down, he slumped into an armchair, gazing sadly at nothing. _How could I have missed it?_ He wondered, disconsolately. _It's all over every damn page! The whole book's a love letter to a woman I can never have._

His phone rang, making him jump. Wearily, he fished it out of his pocket and checked the display. The cover of Heat Wave. It was her. Swallowing nervously, trying to still his shaking hands, he let his thumb hover over the call accept button for what felt like an eternity. He almost hoped she'd give up.

He succumbed to the inevitable, and took the call. "Hello?" His voice was wavering, nervous.

"Castle," Rick couldn't quash the delight that flooded through him at the sound of her voice. It had been so long, and he'd missed her so much, that for a moment, he could almost forget the predicament he was in. Until she spoke again. "We need to talk."

* * *

**Yeah, so the gift wasn't anything particularly inspired or unexpected. But it's the sentiment behind it that's important. And, of course the fact that it's a bit of a deus ex machina.**

**I thought I'd redeem Gina a bit, as I honestly don't think she's done anything wrong, during the course of the show. And Castle needs to lay that relationship to rest, before he can really move on properly.  
**

**We won't be seeing the Naked Heat launch party in this story, so I didn't bother fleshing out the plans for it, and nor will I.**

**As always, please read and review.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **This is the last chapter, though there will be an epilogue, which I'll try to get written today... or tomorrow. Hope you like it, it's the first romantic/passionate scene I've really written, so I hope it does the trick.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Kate sat, eyes wide, contemplating what she'd just read. She'd first opened Naked Heat yesterday afternoon and now, less than twenty four hours later, she'd finished it. It had left her speechless.

Reading the line about Heat and Rook not having seen each other for three months had caused her chest to tighten painfully. It had clued her in, though, and she'd read the rest of the book in a far more analytical fashion than she was used to. Castle's novels were usually fun, pure escapism, but not this one. This one was anchored far more firmly in her world than she cared for.

The book was too personal, too honest. There was too much of her in there, and she was sure there was too much of him as well. So many scenes where Rook wanted to tell Nikki how he felt, that he wanted something real with her, and so many answering moments where Nikki's internal monologue told the reader that Rook wasn't good enough. He was too frivolous, too devil-may-care, and not someone she could consider a serious contender for her heart.

Kate shook her head, uncomfortably aware that this was how Castle saw her. Some of the time, at least. But the truly upsetting thing was that there was no judgment of Nikki's behaviour, no hint that she was wrong to dismiss him so easily. Did Castle really have so little belief in himself that he could write his alter ego with so little importance?

And then there was that scene, towards the end, when Rook finally plucked up the courage to lay it all out for her, to tell her how much she meant to him. And Nikki wasn't interested in hearing it. Didn't take him seriously. Jameson Rook was a man in love, and Nikki Heat didn't believe him.

Kate chewed her lip, trying to make sense of it all. She liked Rook. She'd liked him from the moment he entered the story in Heat Wave, and she liked him even more in this book. His earnest, romantic yearning for a woman who wouldn't give him the time of day, how difficult he found it to express his feelings to her. A man who made a living out of crafting simple words into beautiful truths, yet he couldn't untangle his wits and his tongue when it was truly important.

The message was unmistakable.

With her heart beating so wildly she thought it might tear itself free of her chest, she picked up her phone. He was still in her speed dials, even if she hadn't called in three months. He was always there, in her head, at her fingertips, in her heart. She took a deep, steadying breath, and dialed.

The phone rang for what felt like an eternity, and the traitor on her shoulder whispered that he wouldn't answer. That he didn't want to talk to her. She realized she was holding her breath, and let it go in a shuddering sigh, just as he answered. "Hello?"

Oh, that voice. She'd missed it so much. Even devoid of any discernable emotion, as it was right now, it sent a small thrill through her. She gathered her wits, steeled herself, and spoke. "Castle. We need to talk."

The silence was deafening. "Castle? Are you there?"

"Yeah." He sounded… she couldn't figure out how he sounded, but it worried her. After a moment, he rallied, and she heard the forced exuberance in his voice. "So, how've you been, detective? I trust your summer was enjoyable?"

It pained her that he seemed so out of sorts. _Is this why he sent the book by courier? He didn't want to see me? _She didn't even try to call him on his behaviour. They had more important things to talk about. "It was fine. Listen, I need to see you. Are you back in the city?" Butterflies the size of small cats frolicked in her stomach, but she couldn't lose her nerve. She waited for his answer.

When it came, she was dismayed by the resigned note in his voice. "Yeah. I'm at home. Just me, at the moment, if you want to come around."

_Just me, _Kate reflected, miserably. _As opposed to 'me and Gina'?_ She tried to make her voice light an airy. "Right. Ok, well, I'll see you in twenty minutes?"

"Yeah. See you then." He sounded so reluctant that she almost snapped at him to forget it, but restrained herself. This was already likely to be a disaster with letting herself lose her temper with him. Instead, she listened silently as he hung up. The nervous excitement that his book had sparked was thoroughly dampened. Kate belatedly realized that she'd agreed to go to his loft, forfeiting the upper hand that the familiar setting of the precinct might have offered. She wasn't thinking clearly, the man fogged her mind seemingly without trying.

Cursing softly to herself, she picked up the book and left her apartment, determined not to entertain any further doubts. Not yet.

On the drive over to his apartment, Kate tried to marshal all of the arguments, debates and demands she'd come up with since speaking to her father and Esposito. She put her approach together step by step, logically and clinically, fairly sure that they'd all drift out of her head like so much gossamer as soon as she saw him.

The drive was too quick, and she arrived before she was ready. Though, she supposed, all the time in the world wouldn't truly make her ready for this. She smiled vaguely at the concierge on the door, who nodded amiably at her, clearly recognizing her, and then she marched straight over to the elevator that would take her up to his home.

As she approached his front door, her tension spiked. The hallway seemed oppressive, longer and narrower than she remembered. The door itself, though, looked exactly as she remembered. Plain, and so unremarkable that she could barely believe that her future might just lie on the other side of it. Taking a deep breath to steel her nerves, she knocked, firmly and steadily.

* * *

Rick couldn't stay still. Since Beckett's call fifteen minutes ago, he'd been a bundle of nerves, jittery beyond all reason._ She's coming. She knows._ The same thoughts kept running through his head, rampant and unbridled. For the first time in his life, he had absolutely no idea what he was going to do. Should he deny it? Claim it all a coincidence? What about just apologizing for being so foolish, and promising never to bother her again? Or maybe, just maybe, he could be honest, tell her what he felt, and let her make the decision to destroy him or let him flee.

Before he could decide on any course of action, there was a knock at the door. Firm, uncompromising. Her 'police' knock. Rick realized he was sweating, and it wasn't all from fear of exposure. It was seeing her again, after all this time, and even through that fear, there was a vein of excitement. Pausing to steady himself, and trying to compose his face into an affable mask, he opened the door.

And there she was, staring back at him, a slightly stunned look on her face. _God, but she's beautiful!_ The thought came wistful and yearning. He could look at her all day. He could study her face for the rest of his life and never feel a moment had been wasted.

Belatedly, he realized neither of them had spoken, and there was a pink flush flooding her cheeks. _She really is angry, _he considered, despondently.

Rick recovered to wave her into the apartment, and managed to produce words that he hoped fitted the occasion. "Lovely to see you, Beckett. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

She stepped past him into the room, her eyes never leaving his face, studying, analyzing. She took off her coat and draped it over the back of the couch. Rick watched with interest._ So, this isn't going to be a flying visit._ Still, she watched him. He was starting to feel like a suspect, and was suddenly glad he had the whole of the loft to retreat to, rather than the box of an interrogation room. Finally, she spoke. "How was your summer, Castle?"

Such an innocuous question, completely at odds with the intense look on her face. Though he could do little else than attempt to answer. "It was… fine. Got the book finished." Her eyes tightened a little at that, and he moved on hurriedly. "I'm glad to be back in the city, though. The Hamptons are lovely, but there's only so much peace and quiet a man can take." He watched as she nodded at this, examining his words.

"Peace and quiet?" She asked, her eyebrows raised slightly. "Is that what you went for?"

"I told you, I needed to finish the book." He still didn't know where this was going.

Beckett nodded impatiently. "Yeah, you did. But you had an empty house, right here. You said so yourself, Alexis and Martha were away, so why leave the city? Why go with…" She bit off whatever she was going to say, and Rick caught a glimpse of frustration under her icy veneer. She tried again. "Anyway, why were you so behind on the book?"

Rick frowned, trying to chart the leaps her mind was making. Hesitantly, he explained, "I was spending too much time at the precinct, I guess. Real crimes are far more interesting than the ones I make up. And far more satisfying to solve."

"So, spending too much time with…" She paused, and took a breath. "Us, was damaging your work?" She looked a little concerned at that prospect, so he quickly moved to answer.

"No. Not damaging, not really. I was just prevaricating, as I always do. I had time to write, but just didn't feel like it. I thought getting out of the city for a while, away from you," He stopped, aghast at his slip. She noticed, her lips tightening. "I mean, you guys, the cases. I thought it would let me focus."

For a moment, she just watched him, apparently absorbing this. "That wasn't the only reason, though. Was it?" She already knew the answer, he could tell, but he'd be damned if he was going to just give up and make it easier for her to walk away.

"What do you mean? What other reason?"

He thought she'd snap when he said that. Her eyes narrowed, and he saw her hands contract into fists. "Gina." She said it simply, neutrally, but the expression on her face gave it all the inflection her voice didn't.

"Ah." Rick was lost for words. He knew Beckett didn't care too much for the way he was with women, and that it had likely been a factor as to why she was never interested in him herself, but the apparent antipathy she had for his ex-wife surprised him. "Well, like I said, we reconnected in that phone call, remembered a lot about why we liked each other in the first place." Beckett nodded at this, her eyes slightly wild. He continued, carefully, "I thought we might be able to rebuild something, that maybe we could…" He broke off with a sigh. "It didn't work. We're just too awkward together, I guess. Both of us have changed so much since the day I proposed to her." He lowered his eyes, pondering how cruel life was, that he had to explain his latest failure to the woman who, above all, he wanted to think well of him. "We tried, both of us, but it didn't work. She left after three weeks."

When Beckett didn't respond, he looked up, expecting to see sympathy, or even pity. He didn't know which would be worse. But what he saw was that the intense look had left her, replaced with something softer, more vulnerable. It was a look he'd seen before, he recalled, though he couldn't place when, exactly. Suddenly, his heart was beating wildly. He tried to calm it, reasoning that he was foolish to get his hopes up. Finally, she spoke, her voice quiet and unsure, not like her usual self at all. "So, you're not with her?" He shook his head, mutely, not trusting himself to speak until he could regain solid ground. "You spent the summer alone?" He nodded, and saw a steely determination manifest in her eyes. "Right, well, there's something else we need to talk about." She reached into the bag that she'd carelessly dropped onto the couch, and yanked out the thing he'd known she was carrying as soon as she arrived.

"Yeah, about that…" He started, eyeing the advance copy of his book as though it was a weapon. She was certainly brandishing it like one. "The thing is, I go a little loopy when I'm cooped up alone." He tried for a self deprecating laugh, but it came out strangled and rather pathetic. One look at her face told him she wasn't buying it.

"Loopy? Is that what this is?" She quirked an eyebrow at him, in complete control again. Flipping the book open dramatically, she read from it, "Rook stared at Nikki, desperately wishing she could see who he really was, who he wanted to be. Wishing he could show her that he would happily burn the whole world just to see the flames reflected in her eyes." She looked back at him. "A tad melodramatic, don't you think?"

Rick took a breath, trying to form an answer, but she rode right over him. "Castle, the whole book is like this." She threw it down on the couch, pinning him with a piercing glare. "Are you telling me that this is the result of you being left unattended for more than a few days? Really?"

He stared at the book she'd just discarded so contemptuously, his heart a leaden lump, fixing him to the spot. "No, it's not." He knew he couldn't pretend any more. "I just… I guess I used my writing as a way of… moving on, getting over it. And then, when it was done, I was too impartial to see it."

"Getting over what?" The tone of her voice dragged his eyes back to her face. She was flushed again, only this time, he was sure it wasn't anger. Her eyes were glistening, just a little. "What were you getting over, Rick?"

"You." He said it simply. After months of agonizing, second guessing and torturing himself, it was so easy. Such an easy word to say. "I was trying to get over you."

And suddenly, he realized, she wasn't in control at all. Maybe she never had been. His admission had left her speechless, mouth open slightly in what he took to be amazement. "I'm sorry, Kate. I truly am." He took a step towards her, then stopped, sure that physical contact was not wise right now. "I tried to accept it, to accept that you wanted him. I tried to be pleased for you, but I couldn't."

Beckett nodded, the pole axed look fading. "So you ran away. You couldn't take seeing me with someone else, so you ran away." Her face tightened in pain. "Have you any idea how much that hurt me? That you could just leave as though I didn't matter to you at all?"

"How could you think that?." His heart was pounding again. "But I'm just not strong enough. To see you with him was tearing me up, and you didn't even notice." There was a thread of anger now, and he seized it ruthlessly. "Besides, you said so yourself, you didn't want anyone to be uncomfortable. Well I was uncomfortable, and I could see you were too."

She let out a sound, something between a laugh and a sob. "You think I wanted you to leave?" Her temper was flaring now, as well, but Rick was too caught up in emotions that he'd spent the last three months shackling tightly to stop.

"I have no idea what you wanted. I never do! All I knew was that you didn't want me, interfering, getting in the way of you and your new boyfriend. So I left, so what? What else should I have done? Just stand by happily and watched while you…" He couldn't even finish that sentence.

Her eyes were wild now, and she took a step towards him. "Whilst I what? Whilst I actually did something about it when I liked someone? Whilst I took a risk, and made an effort to be happy? You're my friend! Why couldn't you support me in that?"

Rick felt like he'd been doused in cold water. He'd forgotten, in the midst of the argument, that the third man they were talking about was, firmly and decisively, Kate Beckett's boyfriend. The air went out of him, and he felt so weary, just like he had done in those last couple of days before he left. "I guess I'm not a good enough man. I'm sorry, Kate, I can say it as many times as you like, but it won't change anything. I should just be glad that you're happy. Lord knows you deserve to be." There was a lump in his throat, and he knew that she'd leave soon, and he'd probably never see her again. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to swallow his pain, to do something that might tempt her to show some mercy.

"I'm not." Rick looked up at that, confused. She saw, and continued. "I'm not happy. I haven't been happy since Memorial Day weekend." He frowned, trying to grasp her meaning.

_Memorial Day weekend? When she went away with Demming. _Something had happened, why wouldn't she be happy? "What did he do?" He asked, more worried now about that than his own pain.

She looked at him as though he was a moron, which he supposed was fair. "He didn't do anything. You did." When he still didn't react, she let out a low, frustrated exclamation. "You're really going to make me say this, aren't you?"

"Say what?" He wouldn't get his hopes up, wouldn't dare to think she might mean…

"Fine!" There was a fire blazing in her eyes now. "I wasn't happy because I broke up with Tom. A perfectly nice, decent man, and I threw him aside. For you." Rick couldn't breath. _She does mean… She's not with him! _His realization showed on his face, and she laughed, a short, bitter sound. "That's right. I decided to take a chance. I was going to tell you how I felt, to ask you not to leave me. And what did you do? You flaunted that damned woman in front of me, going on about how you felt all nostalgic and how she was going to be 'on top' of you all summer." She spat the words out, glaring at him in fury. "So don't you dare stand there telling me how hard it was seeing me with Tom, because I know. Believe me I know."

"Oh, you know, do you? You never had to see me kissing Gina." He pointed an accusing finger at her. "You never had to watch me nuzzling her neck like we were in the throes of foreplay. I had enough respect for you that…"

"Respect?" She looked close to outright laughter. "Is that what it was? Respect was what had you constantly telling me about all the women you picked up? Respect was what made you ask my friend out on a date, right in front of me? You've got a really odd way of showing respect, Richard Castle!"

"You want me to show you something?" He growled, as something inside him snapped. "Fine." He reached out, and pulled her to him, kissing her roughly. For a second, he thought she'd push him away, and then slap the hell out of him. But then she responded, her lips softening under his. She returned the kiss with a burning passion, her hands reaching up, seizing his hair painfully. And when he coaxed his tongue against her lips, she parted them readily, accepting him. It was mind blowing, everything he'd dreamed of and more, and when she let out a breathless moan, he thought he'd explode. They lost themselves in each other, the kiss lingering for an eternity. When they eventually parted, both panting as though they'd run a marathon, she pressed her forehead against his shoulder, and laughed quietly. "What's so funny?" He asked, his voice hoarse and still more than a little breathless, his arms settling around her waist as though they'd found their rightful home.

She looked up at him, her lips bruised and her eyes burning brightly. _I did that, _he thought, fuzzily. She smiled at him. "We never can do anything normally, can we?"

"I guess not." He answered, smiling back. "But isn't it more fun, this way?"

The heat of her gaze should have reduced him to ash. "Oh yes. Much more fun." She leaned back in, taking his lips again, just as ruthlessly as he'd claimed hers. At some point, she took hold of his tie, and stepped back, yanking him along with her, eyes dark and smoky. A promise in them that any man would give all he had to see fulfilled. He was still trying to think of ways to do just that when she began dragging him up the stairs.

* * *

Kate purred in satisfaction, her entire body felt sated. _I like that word, _she thought, smiling lazily. _Sated._ Rick was pressed up against her back, his hand still stroking her hip idly, his lips pressing soft little kisses to the side of her neck.

She couldn't quite believe how they'd got here. One minute they were arguing, so close to it really getting out of hand, and the next… She smiled again, biting her lip as she thought back to that first kiss. She'd never dreamed it would be so… exhilarating, so all-consuming. From that initial, heady pleasure, it had been inevitable that they'd end up here. Perhaps it had been inevitable from the moment they met. Well, Rick had certainly seemed to think so. She reached back and affectionately ran her hand through his hair, twisting her head to try and see his face.

"Hi." He said, smiling softly.

"Hi." She found herself grinning back at him. "We can't stay here forever, you know."

"Why not? What could be more important than this?" She loved the sound of his voice, especially when he let it hit a lower register like that. It hit other places, too, though she wasn't about to let him know that.

"My job, for one. And I believe you're going to have a book launch party at some point in the near future. Besides, isn't your daughter coming home soon?"

Rick exhaled heavily. "Yeah, actually. She'll be home tomorrow. Or rather, I'll need to pick her up."

"You see." Kate felt vindicated. "You can't pick her up if you're here with me."

"She can walk home. She'll understand."

Kate laughed at that. "I'm quite sure she won't." She stretched languorously, easing away from him, and immediately missed the contact. "I don't usually do this, you know."

"No?" The tone of his voice was teasing. "Well I'm glad to see I'm an exception."

"I mean, I don't usually fall into bed with a guy within half an hour of kissing him. Ever." She was serious, wanted to make sure he knew. He was the exception.

His answering look told her he understood. "I know, Kate. And it's not like we just met. We can work it out later, and we can get out of bed later. But right now? You're not going anywhere." He leaned in and claimed her lips again, and she could feel the heat building between her thighs.

"Oh, alright, if you insist." She snaked around to face him, and rolled him onto his back. Resting her hands against his chest, she put on her best simpering voice, and asked "Hey, Rick, would you really 'burn the whole world just to see the flames reflected in my eyes?'"

He laughed deeply, more than ready to mock his own excesses. "I've thought about it, Kate. But you'd just arrest me." She grinned, and kissed him again, suddenly feeling she could do with a little more sating.

* * *

**Um, yeah. So, they got a little carried away, didn't they? I didn't expect them to go that far when I started writing this scene, but never mind, it seems it's hardly up to me.**

**Please read and review.  
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	6. Epilogue

**A/N: **So this is it, the epilogue of this story. I hope you've all enjoyed it, and I've certainly enjoyed writing it. It's the first thing I've actually ever finished, by the way. Thank you so much for all of the kind reviews.

This has been my attempt to clear up the cliffhanger that Andrew Marlowe left us with in the season 2 finale, though I have to say, it's not how I actually would like the show to proceed. I do favour a much slower, cautious build to their relationship. That's what I'm attempting to depict in my other ongoing story, Realizations, so if you haven't read that yet, please do check it out. You might enjoy it.

I found this epilogue tricky to write, as I wanted it to briefly sum up how their relationship got to this point, and to show that it will go on beyond the story, whilst at the same time, trying to address the concerns that both Castle and Beckett showed earlier in the piece.

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**Epilogue**

Kate watched as he hefted the freshly packed suitcases down the stairs, smiling sadly as she considered that things weren't going to be the same. She was sitting at the kitchen counter, idly playing with the spoon that was still sitting in the cup of coffee in front of her. The coffee that, by now, must be stone cold. Rick set the cases down with a resigned sigh, and turned to look at her, his pain at this moment of parting shining through his attempt at a neutral expression.

These past two years had been something of a roller coaster for the pair of them. After that initial breaking down of the walls between them, in this same apartment, she'd expected there to be some awkwardness, but things had been so much more complicated. Neither of them had been ready to take that step, even though it had quickly become apparent that it was what they both wanted. And by the time they'd managed to clamber out of bed, their mutual realization that what they'd done might just be a mistake had left an uncomfortable tension that neither of them could cut through.

She'd left his apartment with the promise that he would come back to the precinct, and work with her again, but little more. That had been enough, she'd thought. The rest, they could work at.

And work they did. Rick had shown that rarely seen sensible side, and suggested that they back off and try to start again. A date. Drinks, dinner, maybe a movie. It had sounded like a lovely idea, and she'd readily agreed, thrilled at the prospect of being romanced properly by him. He'd done a good job, she had to admit, and clearly he knew her much better than she might have thought. Expecting the full 'Richard Castle, Insouciant Playboy' performance, she'd been pleasantly surprised to see that his idea of a date with Kate Beckett was not a ridiculously expensive, gourmet restaurant, but a quiet, refined Italian place he knew. A place she didn't even know existed.

It was at that same place, eighteen months later, that he asked her to marry him. She wasn't truly surprised, having guessed that it was that which had been gnawing at him for some time. She could read him so easily, a talent he occasionally found very inconvenient. She'd said yes, of course. By now, she knew he was the one she'd been waiting for, the 'one and done' that she'd always hoped to find.

Kate glanced down at the ring on her finger, smiling as she always did when she pondered what their future might hold. Looking back at Rick, standing by the door, looking miserable, she suddenly wished they'd anticipated this moment a little more clearly.

"Are you ok?" She asked, already knowing the answer, and watched as he shot a rueful smile back at her.

"Not really, no. But we knew this day was coming, didn't we?" He slowly walked over to her, and took her hand. "I mean, as I've always said, 'the people we love leave us'."

Kate squeezed his hand in comfort, in recognition of his pain. "She's not leaving, Rick. Not forever."

He nodded absently. "I know. But it just seems so… definitive." Before he could say anything more, the subject of his heartache bounded down the stairs, a broad grin on her face.

"Hey!" Alexis called, excitement and nervous energy crackling around her. "So, I'm all packed. Though I wish I could take a few more books." She cocked her head, considering. "Even with all my studies, I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to read for pleasure as well."

Kate smiled back at the girl she'd come to love almost as a daughter, taking pleasure in her obvious delight. Out of the corner of her eye, though, she saw Rick visibly steeling himself before turning to look at his daughter, and her smile faltered slightly. _He really is taking this hard,_ she thought, and stood, moving closer to rest her head lightly on his shoulder.

Alexis' smiled faltered as well, as she watched them. "What's wrong?" She was suddenly concerned, and Kate moved quickly to assuage her fears.

"Nothing's wrong, Alexis. Your dad's just having a few 'leaving the nest' issues." At that, Alexis softened, and hurried over to wrap her arms around Rick, burying her head into his chest.

She looked up at her father, and told him, "I'm only going to Yale, Dad, it's not like it's a million miles away."

"I know," Rick answered, ruffling her hair a little. "But it's further away than the next room, and that's too far for me."

"I'll miss you, too, you know." Alexis said, smiling up at him. She then looked at Kate, her smile broadening. "And you won't be alone, thank God. I don't know if we could trust you to look after yourself." Rick laughed a little at that, and gave her a quick squeeze before stepping back. Alexis took the opportunity to throw her arms around Kate, and Kate returned the hug warmly, happily. "I'll miss you as well, Kate. I wish we'd had more time together."

"Me too," Kate answered, honestly, kissing the girl lightly on the top of her head. She rested her chin on Alexis' head, and met Rick's eyes. He was gazing at them with so much love that she felt a light flutter in her chest. "Come on, Alexis. We'd better get a move on before your dad decides to keep you here by locking you in your room." Alexis giggled and let go of her, looking back at her father.

"Too late for that. Dad, you're doing the heavy lifting, right?" Rick nodded and looked over his shoulder at the two huge suitcases sitting by the front door.

"Yeah, the rest is in the car already." He sighed again. "Just those two." His ambivalence was clear as he walked over and picked them up. Kate and Alexis shared a wry look, and Kate knew that their thoughts ran along similar lines. This wasn't easy for him, and they needed to do all they could to make the separation as painless as possible.

"Ok, Rick," She took the initiative, knowing that delaying the inevitable was only going to make it harder. "I'm driving, get those into the car. Alexis, you sure you've got everything?" Alexis nodded, and they both walked to the door, hustling Rick and the suitcases out before them.

* * *

Rick enjoyed the feel of his fiancée leaning into his side, resting her head on his shoulder, as he took in the scene before him. The campus was beautiful, and on a sunny day like this, he could see why Alexis had fallen in love with the place at first sight. They were watching as she chatted easily with two girls that she'd met just a few minutes ago. They were both new freshmen as well, and were clearly as excited as Alexis to be embarking on this journey into adulthood.

Alexis was fully moved in, registered and welcomed to the university, and Rick knew it was almost time for him and Kate to leave. But not just yet. Kate stirred beside him. "It's going to be ok, Rick. Trust me." He did, implicitly. "She's a big girl, and even smarter than you are." Directing a look back at his daughter, she let out a short laugh. "And perhaps even more charming as well. Firm friends, already."

"Yeah, you're right. Of course you're right." He smiled at her. "But I'm going to miss her. Who'll play laser tag with me now?" He cocked an eyebrow at her, invitingly, and she rolled her eyes.

"Rick, I spend all day carrying a real gun around, do you think I want to go home and play with toy ones?"

"I don't know. Maybe if you let me carry a gun, I'd gain a better understanding of why you don't."

Her eyes rolled again. "No chance, Ricky. You'd only end up shooting yourself in the foot. Come on," She stood up straight, "We should get a move on. If you behave yourself on the trip back, I might just consider playing laser tag. One time."

Rick grinned. "What about Guitar Hero? Or maybe a bit of fencing?"

Kate glared at him, but he could see the amusement dancing behind her eyes. "Don't push your luck, Richard Castle." She began walking over to Alexis, and Rick followed, smiling to himself. _She'll be good at fencing_, he thought.

Alexis saw them coming, and quietly excused herself from her new friends, then ran over to give them both another hug. They'd become a real family, the three of them, as he and Kate had grown closer, and Rick remembered worrying that Alexis would be jealous, and maybe feel left out. But no, she'd taken to Kate more quickly than he ever thought possible, and one of his favourite past times over the last year or so was watching them talk quietly together, enjoying each others' company. He knew Alexis had gone to Kate for advice on dating, and probably on what might happen after dates. Things he could never talk to her about, and didn't even care to imagine.

She'd become a mother to his daughter in ways Meredith never had, and Rick knew this wasn't easy for her either. Still, as usual, Kate held herself together with a composure Rick could only dream of matching.

They said their goodbyes, and Rick would be lying if he claimed he didn't get a little choked up, watching Alexis in the rear view mirror as they began to drive away. She was already laughing again with the two girls she'd met. He turned to Kate, and said, "My little girl, finally all grown up." She spared him a quick, sympathetic glance, then turned her attention back to the road in front of them. He continued, feeling the need to speak. "I've thought about this day so many times, you know. About how it would feel when she went away to college. For a long time I thought it would be just me, watching her go and start her adult life. And then I'd be alone."

At that, Kate did look at him, a slight frown marring her features, though it did nothing to dispel her beauty. "You're just full of good cheer today, aren't you?" She said. He smiled, knowing she was trying to distract him, to stop him from navel gazing. It was a particular talent of hers. "Look, it'll be Christmas before you know it, she'll be back home for the holidays. And until then, just bear in mind that you're not alone. And you're not going to be." She reached over to squeeze his hand briefly. "I'm not going anywhere, Rick."

He smiled back at her, taking her words to heart. "No, you're not, are you." Determined to heed her advice, he forced levity into his voice. "Listen, I've been thinking, about the wedding." She raised her eyebrows. They'd not really used the 'W' word much, even though she was proudly wearing his engagement ring. "How would you feel about a themed one?"

"Themed?" She sounded more than a little dubious. "What theme?"

Rick watched her for a moment, then told her. "Space cowboys."

"Space what? Cowboys?" Kate shook her head, then directed a look that clearly told him she'd only tolerate so much foolishness. "I thought I told you to get rid of that costume."

"It's my favourite." He bridled, offended.

"It's moldy, and falling to bits." Her look of mild disgust spoke volumes.

"It's got character." He protested.

"Well, you've got more than enough character without it."

"Just think, though. I could be a cowboy, and you could be a space whore. How cool is that?"

Kate looked outraged. "Whore? You want me to dress as a whore for my wedding?"

"Not the bad kind of whore," He reasoned, though he already knew he was just digging the hole deeper. "An old timey Western whore. You know, garter belt, heart of gold? But in space."

"Rick, you should probably shut up now, or there won't be a wedding at all." He laughed, and she tried to look cross, but he knew her well enough to see the laughter just beneath the surface.

He smiled at her, and felt so grateful that she was a part of his life. Luckier than he had any right to be. "I love you." It wasn't the first time he'd told her that, and it definitely wouldn't be the last. But right now, in a car driving away from his daughter's new college, and with their whole lives spread out in front of them, he meant it perhaps more than he ever had.

Kate smiled back, and he knew she'd heard the depth of emotion behind his words when he saw her eyes glistening slightly. She swallowed, before telling him. "I love you, too."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, and Rick sat back, contenting himself to just watch her as she drove them both back home.

**The End**

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**Thanks for reading.**


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